Germany: The Last Days

Dear Constant Readers,

So we've come to it at last. These are my last few days in Germany. On Tuesday morning I'll be flying home, spending an overnight layover in Canada, and then continuing onward to the USA.

Almost all of my loose ends have been tied up. I've sent back a few boxes of stuff I've accumulated over the year, I've closed my bank account here, I'm done with school here, and I've said goodbye to a few people.

What now remains is to just finish packing and clean up, move out to Iona's for the night, and then catch the bus to Frankfurt.

Not one minute of this year has been wasted for me. Even though I've been depressed a few times, and my blog has not always been depicting the most wonderful side of things, this year has been rewarding for me on so many levels. I've learned a lot about myself, and have been both happy and shocked at some of it from time to time.

I've mastered a new language, my third, and am looking forward to mastering a few more in the coming year, as I've written on and on about I'm sure.

The truth is, I don't really want to go home. I suppose if someone offered to give me a full-ride in America, or take care of things here for me (education is considerably cheaper) I'd give some thought to staying here. There's a lot that Germany has I think that I wish America had, especially in the social care department.

I will say though, that if I ever have kids, they will not go to college here, that has been one thing I have not been impressed with, and will not miss at all. Everyone usually goes for their own system, but here I've personally found it to be not so great. That might be a personal thing though: I hate large lecture-style classes, which is what we have here in Trier.

That all said, I will be glad to see my friends and family again. Part of me is ready to move on, and that will certainly be the case when everyone I know here is moved on as well. But it hasn't sunk in quite yet.

I find myself a bit unsure of what all to say. Once again, the week has been a real rollarcoaster.

Last week, on Wednesday, I had my 22nd birthday. It was the first party I had ever thrown actually, and some friends of mine, namely Dylon and Iona, came through for me to help me figure out some of the finer points like food and music.

Ultimately it was a success and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. I had guests from America, England, Mexico, Germany, Australia, Russia, Armenia, St. Lucia (in the Caribbean), Italy, and I'm trying to think if I left anyone out, but I can't think so. And my first week as a 22-year-old has really been a hell of a week. I think though in a good way.

I'm trying to keep the optimistic demeanor I had the last time I wrote. I'm finding this: the world works out, even if it acts like it won't. People say the world is something crazy sometimes, and "things are like that in the real world". Maybe they are right, perhaps they are, but I think that more often than not, things will still be OK, even in the worst situations.

There is a game about shapes, and the story goes as follows: Once a man dropped a square tile, and it fell and broke into seven differently shaped pieces. In the course of attempting to repair the tile to its original square shape, the man accidently created dozens of other images from these pieces.

I think life can be like that. The goals you have set in mind, or how you think things should be, are not the only possibilities, nor are they even the best possibilities. Sometimes the best ones have yet to be seen, however. Even in a situation where things seem incredibly grim, good can still come from it. Things can still be learned or discovered. It isn't the end of the world. And often, things are not as bad as they seem, anyway.

Everyone has made mistakes from time to time. And everyone has had things go wrong. Life is not about mistakes and having things go wrong. Life is really just a game anyway. Things get thrown at you, how do you deal with them? It's a mental game of sorts, perhaps.

Life is a gift, and people fuck up, and I'm glad to be part of them. I believe in something better, but for now, even though the human race is capable of the most horrific unjust bullshit ever, where else where you also find the capcitiy of such creativity and compassion in the known universe? Our choices are for the time being unlimited (unless some advanced civilization visits us one day, but until then, who cares?). Yet there is something enduring about how people act. Most of them make mistakes and think about them later. People are not evil, sometimes they just screw up, and sometimes on really large scales.

I don't really know what else to say now. Whenever I've needed help, I've usually found it's there to be had. And I've become a lot less worriesome after finally discovering these things that I've just written about. I'm not packed yet? Eh, it's getting there. It's not like I'm being a lazy ass and hoping things'll just come together, indeed I am working on it, but things will come together if I give them a nudge and let them. And I'm glad about that.

Originally I was going to stop writing this as soon as my trip ended. I would write one more once I got home, and then I would call it quits. However, a friend of mine requested that I keep writing in it, and actually, I've found I really have gotten attached to writing in it, at least for the time being, so I might just end up doing that for a while. I don't know how often I'll write, but maybe I'll come back to it from time to time. I intend to, but I'm sure I'll be far more busy next year than I have been this past year.

So, without further ado, I bid you all a good evening (anyway, it is here) and I hope all is well. Until the next entry...

Sincerely,
Tristan