Musings on a Podcast about Love in the PC
This particular podcast was meant to be heard in February of last year, I believe. And the topic was love: words for love in other languages, stories of internationally-crossed lovers and things of that nature.
What got me particularly interested was when they started talking about the Peace Corps, which readers of the blog will know, I served with in Peru back from 2008-2010. In the segment they interviewed RPCVs and had them tell their love stories. One statistic that was given was that 3/4 of all PCVs fall in love or get engaged or married to another PCV (and in some cases, nationals of their host country).
And while listening to the podcast, I felt how Cupid had apparently dodged me again. I was surprised how much it stung.
It would not be quite accurate or fair, however, to say that I found absolutely no chances at romance of any kind in Peru: I was lucky enough to meet a couple of women who where interested in me. However, timing was always off, so these possible would-be relationships were short-lived, precious though they were to me.
As with most people when I was younger, finding a partner was the primary goal of my life. I had other dreams of course, but if I only found the right woman, then that hole in my soul would be filled. I would be complete and my life would be balanced.
Of course, that's a crock of shit, but it feels believable, and it caters to our physical feelings as well as the nonsense popular culture pushes on its victims. But it's baseless: No person can fix another person, and what's more to the point, it's selfish to lay that responsibility on another person who has a life of their own.
As life has gone on, this need in me to find a girlfriend has died down quite a bit, or its matured away, as I've become more comfortable with myself. But of course, it's still there to a much lesser degree.
For some reason unknown to me, the Fates, if there is such a thing have more or less given me a single person's life, where I look all around me and see people in relationships. That has made some of the few romantic connections I've made in life to be extra sweet, and something I cannot take for granted. And I would certainly say that's a good thing. And perhaps why with many of those people I still am close friends with, despite the relationship having to change, usually, again because of timing (ie, leaving the country because my job there was finished, or because my visa had expired).
It is quite possible that people have sent me messages that for some reason I've not seen. I don't like the thought of that, but that's how humans work (or don't work, as the case may be). And if that is indeed the case for anyone, I wish I could somehow give an appropriate apology and say that for some reason, I just didn't notice the signs. That's probably of little comfort, but I can say from experience I know how it feels, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
In any case, listening to this podcast reminded me that, although I have grown to become much more comfortable with myself, there is still a yearning in me that feels that desire for a connection, for a relationship that isn't cut short by the fact one of us is soon to move on to another location. And although by now it's often dormant in me, it never lets me forget that it is there. Life is already precious, but (I imagine) it can take on a unique shade of wonder when shared.