Picking the Self Up

Dear Readers,

First off, I wrote an entry while at site. But I was not feeling in great spirits when I wrote it and it was kind of a downer.

A few days later when I got to the city of Piura I spoke with a friend of mine who has already finished her service and gone home. I was telling her about some of the things I was stressing over, and how I was "done" and "out of gas" and all of that. And she asked me if I really was done with Peru and Peace Corps and if I felt like I was wasting time.

Well, I don't know about that. I think sometimes I honestly feel that yes I am wasting time actually. That's not a good feeling. You're ticking life away just to get over something and on to something else. Kind of a pity.

And then I serendipitously I came across an amazingly imaginative blog written by a highly imaginative, intelligent, and artist young woman and I started to wonder how I might come by some of that energy in my life. Some carefree lightness. I don't like always being a walking analyzing computer.

And it's starting to dawn on me that there is no real combination to do things that's not wasting your life. It's your mind set. I've written about this before, but writing it down again helps me learn the lesson again. My friend told me I needed to find something to do that helped me know I wasn't going to later feel that my time in Peru was wasted time. Well, for my friendships I've made my time has not been a waste of any kind.

But my town has presented with me a challenge. Basically the challenge of precious little to do for a person like myself who likes to have lots of stimulation. I can only take so much language study, podcasts, reading, and painting at a time. Talking to people is a challenge because I quickly run out of things to talk about with them and have never been great at small talk. I teach my English classes and put together my art sessions for the kids, but while those are good for the people in town, each one reminds me that I definitely don't want to be a teacher.

But when you have to work with limited options, I think perspective makes a lot of difference. Maybe that's what my friend meant; learn to be happy with the situation, since there is so much of it I cannot change.

I will never be a chipper person. Actually it drains me when people are chipper. That's just not how I'm wired. But I do want to feel more of life, and not feel dreary and weighed down, like I'm wearing heavy layers of wet clothing in on an overcast day slogging along to a task that gives me no fulfillment. I think that's what life can be to me sometimes, and I don't mean anything specific, but just the mindset we get into. It's hard to do this, of course, when I'm reminded of all that I don't like about my job or site, and honestly there is a lot about it that bothers me. But do I have to let it rule my life anymore. I don't like rice, or being away from everyone, or a lot of other things, but do I have to continue to make enemies with where I am in life? Am I too busy fighting that to miss the beauty around me? It's hard because negativity is loud and painful and noticeable. So maybe stop fighting it actively, and just ignore it if you can't do anything about it.

So that's my blog for tonight.

One thing: I doubt I'll be posting any more photos up on Facebook now. I'm probably going to open up a photo-sharing site where my photos don't become the property of the site I'm using. Any good suggestions for photo-sharing sites? I've heard of Flickr. Any other good ones?

Here is a quote from a blog that helped make me see some reason. It's out of context, but the quote itself is positive as it stands alone:

"I woke up really early on Wednesday morning for no reason. In retrospect, I can see it was probably my body's way of telling me that I might die later that day, so I better get the hell up and start enjoying the shit out of life." - Allie Brosh

And a shout-out to Patrick, because I know he always is asking if I mentioned him in my blog. So Patrick. Patrick Patrick Patrick. There, kid. You should be sitting well for a while. :-P

Take care, all.
Tristan

Oh, and a shout out to Patrick, because I know he always is asking if I mentioned him in my blog. So Patrick. Patrick Patrick Patrick. There, kid. You should be sitting well for a while. :-P

Holy Week Vacation

Dear Readers,

For some reason it's hard for me to think of a way to begin this entry. A lot of things happened this past week, this Holy Week vacation. I started it out by getting burglarized. I don't recommend this experience. My hostel room was broken into and my computer, camera, e-reader (like a Kindle, but a different brand) plus accessories for all three of those items vanished into the Peruvian sun while I was out getting breakfast. I won't go into the details, because more than anything I am tired of going over the details after explaining it to my parents, my friends, to the police, to the Peace Corps security officer, on insurance forms, and so on.

But my life wasn't ruined. Patrick immediately let me borrow a spare laptop he had been planning to use for the rest of service so I don't go completely crazy at site. That being said, though, I was surprised how much in stride I took this all. I had assumed I'd be rabidly furious if I had been robbed, but it happened and if anything, once I saw how futile it was to be mad, I was left with a feeling of calmness. There was disappointment, disgust, and some anger, but mostly calmness, like an open plain where a storm hits. After a while the storm moves on and only the plains last. I don't know what this means about me. I've struggled a lot with things in my life, and every day there are new challenges, but I think it's a good sign of growing that I didn't simply have a meltdown like I thought I would.

Of course, I hope this never happens again. It still is a hassle, regardless of how even-keeled you might (or might not) react. At least insurance and an external hard-drive provided a cushion to fall on.

Aside from some minor glitches (our flight being delayed several hours, and one friend's luggage being shipped down on a flight other than our own)we made it to Arequipa, in southern Peru, safely and smoothly.

My general impressions about both Arequipa and Puno were that if I were living in that area on a more regular basis, I'd probably have a much more favorable impression of Peru than where I live now. One of the most important lessons I've learned is that in the long run it probably doesn't matter where you live, but in lots of ways I felt the area down there suited me better. The weather was wonderful, the scenery was breath-taking, the city of Arequipa had what to me was a European feel, it was more international and more multilingual, the food was better and there just seemed to be more culture. I can see why people are dazzled by Peru, and I feel a little humbled by my ignorance of what I hadn't seen, and what I still haven't. I still wouldn't want to live here for the rest of my life, but I started to see the land with fresh eyes.

I learned that as romantic as climbing and hiking all the time sounds to me, I don't think it's something I'm too dedicated to. I spent two days hiking with Glen, Liz, and Patrick in the Colca Canyon, which is the second deepest canyon in the world. I love the outdoors, but after two days of doing that, almost fainting two or three times from altitude and exertion I wasn't accustomed to, I decided to heck with it. I'd rather go hiking through the woods and come home to nice warm bath. Nevertheless, the camp we stayed at was nice. Patrick complained about the lack of walls in the cabin (they were made out of reeds) and how despite the employee saying there were no bugs out there, he still managed to find a beetle that he referred to as a "saber-tooth tiger bug". Over all he was in good spirits though and even sung songs to me despite me saying how I wanted to hike in silence. His positive energy kept me positive though, especially since I was having a hard time not being irritable by the end of the trail.

On the way back from the canyon we ended up sitting near two other hikers, one French and one Swiss, who taught French at a school in Arequipa. Therefore I got the chance to practice some of my French which I had been trying to learn but fading in.

The night we got back I was starting to feel the crowd press in around me and needed breathing room. I sat and recharged in the plaza while I watched the people move around me. It was important for me at various points to recharge my energy because constantly moving around and site-seeing took its toll.

The evening after we got back from Colca Canyon, I set out looking for a quiet place to read and drink a hot chocolate, so I went to a French restaurant. And who did I find there but the Swiss and French girls from the bus sitting at the table across from mine having dinner with friends. They invited me to sit with them, so I had a dessert with them and chatted with Maya, the one from Switzerland, as well as talked about drawing pictures with a man from England who was with the group. Afterward I joined them for drink in a bar for about an hour. Before leaving, Maya asked me if we could meet up for dinner the following evening, which I accepted. The following evening she showed me a French restaurant and we spent a nice evening talking.

The next day I headed to Puno, the city on Lake Titicaca. By this point in the trip I was feeling very introspective, needing to be alone to recharge. The city of Puno itself didn't offer much of this as far as I could tell, but outside of it and on the lake itself there were beautiful landscapes that I found very peaceful.

I was hoping to find some materials on Aymara, the language spoken in that part of Peru (and Bolivia) but to no avail. It was also a humbling experience for me to be on the islands listening to the natives speak in Quechua and Aymara and not have a clue what they were saying. Usually when I travel to a country I at least have a basic knowledge of the language. Even in Denmark I was able to make out a tiny bit with the Norwegian I had studied. But here I was only able to use Spanish, which was a second language to many of them. It gave me a motivation to study Quechua at least, and also a perspective that I have been lucky to not have most of the time I travel.

At the end of the week we all came back to Piura and I have been continuing to work out insurance papers concerning my equipment. I have a good idea of what kind of camera I want to replace my old one with. I haven't yet decided on what kind of computer.

Anyways, I'm going to end the post here. I wanted to say though that this trip has given me a whole new appreciation for Peru and it's beauty and culture. Had I seen Arequipa sooner, I might see if I could have moved down to that area. The food, the weather, the landscapes, the cultures, the languages, the fact that it's more international...It showed me a side of Peru I had not yet seen.

Nothing real profound to talk about tonight. Sorry. But I wanted to write out a post before I head back to site tomorrow.

Peace,
Tristan