Still Goin'
Dear Constant Readers,
Last week was one where I felt a bit overwhelmed with homework, anxieties, angst, just a bit of everything. Things have kind of been rather exhausting for me, enough to have reduced me to tears a couple of times. I took some career consoling to see what might be good for me down the road. It wasn't really a surprise when the tests told me I have a rather narrow field of interests. I've known this my whole life. Nothing on the list of suggested careers really jumped out at me, either, however in the state I've been in for the past couple of weeks, I have a hard time picturing any career jumping out at me saying "Here I am!" Some of my friends seem to be figuring things out. I don't want to compare myself to them, but at the same time, to hear about things falling in place for them, it makes one wonder, "Is my time ever going to come?" I suppose it will, but I have a lot of shit to get together before I can start to figure out what is right for me.
On the other hand, I do have some ideas of what I might like. Archeology or anthropology are interesting to me. Writing is, as well, but not as a profession. So I was a bit stunned when the career test said I would be most suitable as a musician. Aside from wanting to learn the piano, which I am doing, I have really no active interest in music, choreography, composing, or so forth. Not an inkling other than a *nuance* at best of curiosity.
But regardless, the piano is going well for me. It's a beautiful new challenge, and unfortunately I didn't get a good chance to practice today. But I am enjoying working my way through my exercises under the guidance of a music major on campus. She told me I am progressing fast and seem to have natural rhythm; on the other hand my finger posturing needs some work. But this hasn't hindered me from learning "Hickory Dickory Dock" or "Pop! Goes the Weasel". I'm enjoying this change of pace for me, and look forward to more complicated pieces. However, last night I found myself equating language to it as well: learning the grammar of the piano, but in my philosophy, grammar is ultimately as limited as a pile of bones, and so look forward to creating some more complex sounds.
Things are going OK at the apartment, despite the fact that I am sometimes amazed, sometimes frustrated by my roommates' approach to life. The one that I spend the most time with, I admire is lack of stress level, but sometimes think it's too much of a lack. There's too little structure for me; if I lived the way he did I'd go nuts for not having something of a plan to get stuff done instead of a by-the-moment manner.
Off of that, I've started taking my lists more seriously to get stuff done. I find that they are helping me, too. Last weekend I ended up having the apartment to myself, so I got quite a bit of homework done, got the bathroom clean, and went to a movie by myself ("3:10 to Yuma"). I have always disliked going to movies by myself, but I think I can start getting into it more now: It seems that my taste in movies have more than not strayed away from my family's and friends' anyways.
I have also been working out more: Today I ran 9 miles, and I've been doing sets of push-ups, crunches, and leg lifts everyday. However, I don't think my body is used to this, or doesn't want to go at the rate I'm pushing it, because on Saturday I hurt my arm. Consequently I think I'm going to cut back from daily to every other day after my arm stops hurting. It's good to have the mornings to do other things, though. I like working out to wake up, I'm finding, but I'm also using it to do a bit more reading. Earlier this week I finally read "The Lord of the Flies" after years of wanting to read it. I will say it was a well-written book, but I was hoping for more of an adventure story. Currently I'm not sure what to do next. My options are: read another book I've been wanting to for years, namely "King Solomon's Mines", or continue reading a book I've already chosen to read in Esperanto, to further improve my knowledge of the language. I don't feel fluent in it yet, but I think I know basically all I need to know to get there, I just need the practice, now, and I can't find it. I had wanted to see if I could find a group in a nearby town to meet and speak with, but as busy as I've been, that would probably cause me more stress than it's worth. So I'm on my own again, which in some ways is how I prefer it, at least once in a while. My third option is to continue with my Norwegian, and this is what I'm considering, because, as with my Esperanto, I think I can get to a good level just with my grammar book, and from there, it'd just be active practice, not so painful. But the deciding factor will be how much time I have, so it might be a mishmash of all of the above. Hopefully it will be at least some of it. I need a break from the grind of this work I've been doing.
I've been wanting to write more creatively, outside of my blog. I've started putting a few things on paper, hoping that maybe hand-writing will jog my mind a bit.
In the midst of the chaos of confusion in my life, there is something I found that I want to point out: Things always work out in some way. Even I have a hard time believing it, but they do. This universe isn't ours, but we are here regardless, and somehow, if you give things a chance, I think they'll work out. I guess that means to me that there's either a loving God or that the earth is better-made than people give it credit for. Either option I find comforting.
I'm still not feeling it with the notes. Sometimes I write something and think I've really spoken my heart. With the last few entries I haven't felt that. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I'm listing things too much, instead of pouring my heart out. Maybe some people wouldn't want to hear that anyway. I guess right now there are probably things I just don't want to put out there, at least not until I find out better who I am. Lately I haven't been sure of that. I've somehow/somewhat lost track of who I am and what I believe, and I don't know why.
Hope things are well.
Tristan
Last week was one where I felt a bit overwhelmed with homework, anxieties, angst, just a bit of everything. Things have kind of been rather exhausting for me, enough to have reduced me to tears a couple of times. I took some career consoling to see what might be good for me down the road. It wasn't really a surprise when the tests told me I have a rather narrow field of interests. I've known this my whole life. Nothing on the list of suggested careers really jumped out at me, either, however in the state I've been in for the past couple of weeks, I have a hard time picturing any career jumping out at me saying "Here I am!" Some of my friends seem to be figuring things out. I don't want to compare myself to them, but at the same time, to hear about things falling in place for them, it makes one wonder, "Is my time ever going to come?" I suppose it will, but I have a lot of shit to get together before I can start to figure out what is right for me.
On the other hand, I do have some ideas of what I might like. Archeology or anthropology are interesting to me. Writing is, as well, but not as a profession. So I was a bit stunned when the career test said I would be most suitable as a musician. Aside from wanting to learn the piano, which I am doing, I have really no active interest in music, choreography, composing, or so forth. Not an inkling other than a *nuance* at best of curiosity.
But regardless, the piano is going well for me. It's a beautiful new challenge, and unfortunately I didn't get a good chance to practice today. But I am enjoying working my way through my exercises under the guidance of a music major on campus. She told me I am progressing fast and seem to have natural rhythm; on the other hand my finger posturing needs some work. But this hasn't hindered me from learning "Hickory Dickory Dock" or "Pop! Goes the Weasel". I'm enjoying this change of pace for me, and look forward to more complicated pieces. However, last night I found myself equating language to it as well: learning the grammar of the piano, but in my philosophy, grammar is ultimately as limited as a pile of bones, and so look forward to creating some more complex sounds.
Things are going OK at the apartment, despite the fact that I am sometimes amazed, sometimes frustrated by my roommates' approach to life. The one that I spend the most time with, I admire is lack of stress level, but sometimes think it's too much of a lack. There's too little structure for me; if I lived the way he did I'd go nuts for not having something of a plan to get stuff done instead of a by-the-moment manner.
Off of that, I've started taking my lists more seriously to get stuff done. I find that they are helping me, too. Last weekend I ended up having the apartment to myself, so I got quite a bit of homework done, got the bathroom clean, and went to a movie by myself ("3:10 to Yuma"). I have always disliked going to movies by myself, but I think I can start getting into it more now: It seems that my taste in movies have more than not strayed away from my family's and friends' anyways.
I have also been working out more: Today I ran 9 miles, and I've been doing sets of push-ups, crunches, and leg lifts everyday. However, I don't think my body is used to this, or doesn't want to go at the rate I'm pushing it, because on Saturday I hurt my arm. Consequently I think I'm going to cut back from daily to every other day after my arm stops hurting. It's good to have the mornings to do other things, though. I like working out to wake up, I'm finding, but I'm also using it to do a bit more reading. Earlier this week I finally read "The Lord of the Flies" after years of wanting to read it. I will say it was a well-written book, but I was hoping for more of an adventure story. Currently I'm not sure what to do next. My options are: read another book I've been wanting to for years, namely "King Solomon's Mines", or continue reading a book I've already chosen to read in Esperanto, to further improve my knowledge of the language. I don't feel fluent in it yet, but I think I know basically all I need to know to get there, I just need the practice, now, and I can't find it. I had wanted to see if I could find a group in a nearby town to meet and speak with, but as busy as I've been, that would probably cause me more stress than it's worth. So I'm on my own again, which in some ways is how I prefer it, at least once in a while. My third option is to continue with my Norwegian, and this is what I'm considering, because, as with my Esperanto, I think I can get to a good level just with my grammar book, and from there, it'd just be active practice, not so painful. But the deciding factor will be how much time I have, so it might be a mishmash of all of the above. Hopefully it will be at least some of it. I need a break from the grind of this work I've been doing.
I've been wanting to write more creatively, outside of my blog. I've started putting a few things on paper, hoping that maybe hand-writing will jog my mind a bit.
In the midst of the chaos of confusion in my life, there is something I found that I want to point out: Things always work out in some way. Even I have a hard time believing it, but they do. This universe isn't ours, but we are here regardless, and somehow, if you give things a chance, I think they'll work out. I guess that means to me that there's either a loving God or that the earth is better-made than people give it credit for. Either option I find comforting.
I'm still not feeling it with the notes. Sometimes I write something and think I've really spoken my heart. With the last few entries I haven't felt that. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong. Maybe I'm listing things too much, instead of pouring my heart out. Maybe some people wouldn't want to hear that anyway. I guess right now there are probably things I just don't want to put out there, at least not until I find out better who I am. Lately I haven't been sure of that. I've somehow/somewhat lost track of who I am and what I believe, and I don't know why.
Hope things are well.
Tristan
posted by Tristan | 9:30 PM
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