Major Major Major Major and a Canoe Trip

Dear Constant Readers,

My favorite time of the year is here now. I love autumn. I don't like being cold, but autumn, much of it at least, doesn't count, because it adds to the atmosphere of everything. The crisp electricity in the air, the starkness of the colors (or the mixing of them, even).

I was sitting on a canoe with autumn arrived in all its glory. Last weekend I went a canoe trip to the Niobrara River, in north-western Nebraska. It's a trip I've made every year here at Wesleyan; a group for International Students and internationally-minded students visits this area for a weekend to get away from classes and to see one of the most beautiful areas of the state.

In the two previous years I've gone, it has always been considerably warm, but this year the cool weather blew in while we were on the water. I was canoing with a girl from Malta, usually it was just her and I on the river, as the others were so far ahead or behind us that we almost never saw them. The wind picked up and the blue sky became plated with steely cold clouds. It was beautiful, but would have been more enjoyable had we been dressed for it. All I had was a T-Shirt and a swimsuit, and Enrique, my friend with me, wasn't doing much better.

But to see the water in that weather, and to see and hear the trees rustling in the autumn breezes, it sounds like a romantic description, that for me that's really what it was. A bit of a romantic escape finally.

And I feel like I can use one. As I've discussed here before, I really do feel I'm in the wrong major. It is discouraging to go to class, knowing this is not what I want to do with my life. My economics course is possibly the one that is bringing me down the most. Giving credit to Economics, it is much more interesting than I had expected. But that doesn't make the course much fun when the professor and I don't jive in terms of how I learn and how she teaches.

As far as German goes: I love German, but I wonder sometimes if linguistics is for me. I like the learning of languages, but breaking them down, sometimes I've wondered. German history certainly is not for me. I'm in a class where it is nothing but lists political parties and dates. So much history, but it's as if processing a most moving novel into binary ones and zeros.

I've been so busy this week that some things have fallen, regrettably by the wayside. Since I've finished reading my book in Esperanto, I really haven't practiced the language since, which is a bad thing. Nor have I made much progress on my Norwegian. Even for class I'm struggling to keep up with things, although that is probably due to a anomalies this week: on Thursday we had a bunch of speakers come to campus, and while some students took that to be a day of vacation or, understandably, a day to catch up on homework, I went to all the speakers out of interest, and the consequence was not getting stuff done completely.

Now, this is not a habit I intend on pursuing, indeed, I think I do have a good work ethic ultimately, but I have also learned that sometimes it's not worth the stress, and I am good at stressing. I didn't get two plays read for class yet, but the world didn't end, and I can work on the others we have coming up.

Regarding my major, I'll finish up best I can, and see what comes next. Majors rarely shape the course of a person's life, but I've spent some much time, energy, and money on this that I think I should have chosen something closer to my heart. On the other hand, I didn't know what that would have been until having been a student for a few years. It might be a case of green grass and fences, but ironically, the major that I wish I had studied was one I was rather quite against when I started school: English.

I keep telling myself things will slow down, and they don't but I think also it's a matter of perspective. I can perhaps make things slow down a bit, by managing my time better, but how much control do I have? Not much. Living is being an artist, in a way. It's about making do with what you have. You may not have much control, but you can still work with what you receive. I don't have much time, and even less desire, to go through my Economics, but I can still make it work. I always have in the past.

Anyway, I wanted to say something. I didn't find the mood to write today, unfortunately, but I think this will suffice for now.

Hope all is well.

Tristan