Home From Prague
As things go, I flew home from Prague on Wednesday.
This was something I had hoped to avoid. I wanted to rack up a couple years' worth of experience working as an English teacher and get a bit more established in Prague. But to make things simple, there was a visa snag which turned into a headache of titanic proportions: getting papers, having the time to go to the various offices to get the papers, costs...and that's just the standard procedure. Into all those steps one would have to figure in additional hoops to jump through while you were given the run-around because a clerk wasn't clear in their instructions, or a rule had changed and someone wasn't informed, or God knows what, and so steps would have to be repeated.
On top of all this was the language barrier. I unfortunately didn't learn nearly as much Czech as I had wanted to during my time there, and this was one of the big reasons I wanted to stay longer in the country. Now that I'm home, I will continue studying it, but after I work on some other languages that have been on my list longer.
The visa process is the most bureaucratic thing I've ever seen so far in my life. It makes joining the Peace Corps look like signing a birthday card.
Naturally, this wasn't exactly a bad thing, as I do now have more experience in working with visas, and I better know what questions to ask when applying for one.
It just wasn't according to my plan. But most of my plans haven't worked out the way I thought they would: the first person I ever fell in love with, my study abroad trip to Mexico, my time in the Peace Corps, my plans to study in Japan, etc. All of those events took on minds of their own, and most of them caused me a lot of heartache at the time.
This time, however, I realized that I'm tired of fighting the flow of life. I can be active all I want towards a goal (and I think one probably should be if they have a goal) but sometimes things just will go in a different direction, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's natural to feel sad or bummed about it. I'm sad that I had to leave my friends. I'm sad I didn't get to stay longer to learn more Czech, or before I could see more of Europe (I still have not yet made it to Austria, Hungary, Poland or Norway) but I'm not unhappy. Because what is there to be unhappy about?
Being back in my parents' home isn't exactly thrilling, but I'm glad I have a place to come back to. And it's good motivation to make some money and move out on my own again ASAP. The night after I got back my mom said she was frustrated that I don't seem to know what I want out of life, or that I don't have a better defined game-plan. And actually, sometimes I do envy those who seem to know where they are going. I don't know where I'm going. I know that I would like to have a challenging job, and hopefully something international, or at least lets me do something in that field, and there are a few other things I know I want (like to know what it's like to be in a serious and long-term relationship) but in general my life is in flux, and looking back, I see that it's always been in flux. Even when it didn't appear that it was, like in university, the potential for change was so huge (going to Germany instead of Japan was more of a snap decision I made over the course of a week or so after I realized that going to Japan was going to be almost financially impossible).
So, I wished I had a better answer for my mom's question, but I don't. My answer is: I don't plan on being passive. But I'm kind of playing life by ear right now. I never thought I'd be like this; I didn't even want to just decide things as I went along. I wanted my steps figured out ahead of me, because the alternative was terrifying. But it hasn't happened that way. And there is something very liberating in finding out you are probably something you never thought you could be or even wanted to be, and that you are doing fine, and maybe you are even a natural at it.
So, I have no idea what's next. In the past I could say, "I'm going to college," "I'm going to study in....", "I think the Peace Corps is next" but now I can't say anything for certain. The best I can do is say, "I'm going to stay in my hometown, find a job and save money and then move out to somewhere else." I don't know where, or to what. I guess we'll see what catches my eye given my interests in languages, travel, working with people, and so forth, and if it's possible I can join something that falls into any of those categories. Maybe it'll happen in a month. Maybe six months.
That's how it goes, sometimes. And it can be fun to realize you are not just on a journey, but also are the journey itself.
To the friends I made in Europe: Thank you for sharing part of your life with me. I miss you and I hope we will cross paths again. With love,
Tristan
This was something I had hoped to avoid. I wanted to rack up a couple years' worth of experience working as an English teacher and get a bit more established in Prague. But to make things simple, there was a visa snag which turned into a headache of titanic proportions: getting papers, having the time to go to the various offices to get the papers, costs...and that's just the standard procedure. Into all those steps one would have to figure in additional hoops to jump through while you were given the run-around because a clerk wasn't clear in their instructions, or a rule had changed and someone wasn't informed, or God knows what, and so steps would have to be repeated.
On top of all this was the language barrier. I unfortunately didn't learn nearly as much Czech as I had wanted to during my time there, and this was one of the big reasons I wanted to stay longer in the country. Now that I'm home, I will continue studying it, but after I work on some other languages that have been on my list longer.
The visa process is the most bureaucratic thing I've ever seen so far in my life. It makes joining the Peace Corps look like signing a birthday card.
Naturally, this wasn't exactly a bad thing, as I do now have more experience in working with visas, and I better know what questions to ask when applying for one.
It just wasn't according to my plan. But most of my plans haven't worked out the way I thought they would: the first person I ever fell in love with, my study abroad trip to Mexico, my time in the Peace Corps, my plans to study in Japan, etc. All of those events took on minds of their own, and most of them caused me a lot of heartache at the time.
This time, however, I realized that I'm tired of fighting the flow of life. I can be active all I want towards a goal (and I think one probably should be if they have a goal) but sometimes things just will go in a different direction, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's natural to feel sad or bummed about it. I'm sad that I had to leave my friends. I'm sad I didn't get to stay longer to learn more Czech, or before I could see more of Europe (I still have not yet made it to Austria, Hungary, Poland or Norway) but I'm not unhappy. Because what is there to be unhappy about?
Being back in my parents' home isn't exactly thrilling, but I'm glad I have a place to come back to. And it's good motivation to make some money and move out on my own again ASAP. The night after I got back my mom said she was frustrated that I don't seem to know what I want out of life, or that I don't have a better defined game-plan. And actually, sometimes I do envy those who seem to know where they are going. I don't know where I'm going. I know that I would like to have a challenging job, and hopefully something international, or at least lets me do something in that field, and there are a few other things I know I want (like to know what it's like to be in a serious and long-term relationship) but in general my life is in flux, and looking back, I see that it's always been in flux. Even when it didn't appear that it was, like in university, the potential for change was so huge (going to Germany instead of Japan was more of a snap decision I made over the course of a week or so after I realized that going to Japan was going to be almost financially impossible).
So, I wished I had a better answer for my mom's question, but I don't. My answer is: I don't plan on being passive. But I'm kind of playing life by ear right now. I never thought I'd be like this; I didn't even want to just decide things as I went along. I wanted my steps figured out ahead of me, because the alternative was terrifying. But it hasn't happened that way. And there is something very liberating in finding out you are probably something you never thought you could be or even wanted to be, and that you are doing fine, and maybe you are even a natural at it.
So, I have no idea what's next. In the past I could say, "I'm going to college," "I'm going to study in....", "I think the Peace Corps is next" but now I can't say anything for certain. The best I can do is say, "I'm going to stay in my hometown, find a job and save money and then move out to somewhere else." I don't know where, or to what. I guess we'll see what catches my eye given my interests in languages, travel, working with people, and so forth, and if it's possible I can join something that falls into any of those categories. Maybe it'll happen in a month. Maybe six months.
That's how it goes, sometimes. And it can be fun to realize you are not just on a journey, but also are the journey itself.
To the friends I made in Europe: Thank you for sharing part of your life with me. I miss you and I hope we will cross paths again. With love,
Tristan
posted by Tristan | 10:34 PM
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