Loaded Quietness

Me dear readers,

This update has taken me longer than I wanted to get to. I had various topics that I considered writing about, but ultimately tonight I write simply because the spirit moves me. I tend to write best during contemplative periods of quietness. They say that stillness comes after the storm, but in my experience stillness can be found in every moment. For me it's most obvious during and afterwards, and this weekend, as well as today (Monday) have left me feeling a bit rocked and disoriented. Nothing serious, but certainly aware of discomfort within me.

For starters, I've been hired, thankfully. I started three weeks ago and am happy to see how much I am enjoying teaching so far. I've never really had stage fright to speak of, but the idea of being a manager of people has given me pause on several occasions. Yet like most things, once you start doing them, they tend not to be half as frightening you made them out to be. My students range from (but not exclusively) bankers, to lawyers, to physics professors and PhD. students. Planning lessons and running around reminds me of the thrill of my college days where I had a ton of work to prepare for various classes all over campus. You can get an adrenaline rush from it.

Teaching is certainly never a job one will become wealthy from, yet I've given up dreams of wealth long ago. Not to say I wish to be poor and live hand to mouth with no possibility of saving anything, but money has never been my main priority. Earlier today I was discussing with someone the question "What do you want to do?" in the context of life. I can't speak for everyone, but it seems that most people answer, or are expecting, something career-related. My answer is difficult to articulate, but it goes more along the ways of "travel around the world, learn its languages and about its cultures, and meet its peoples." This doesn't mean be hippy backpacking around (although that is fine for some...I've never been a huge backpacker myself).

Coming from the Peace Corps and then into teaching abroad, I imagine I'll be learning the value of the little things in life and the value of budgeting money in a particularly acute way. I know my mom doesn't mean to sound condescending, but when I talk to her on the phone about finances (which is about the last thing I enjoy speaking about) she reminds me "You chose this lifestyle." She means well, but you don't hear someone say that unless they are disapproving. Like if someone is in jail, and you say "Well, you chose to break the law."

But I am glad to be here, and I am glad to be on my own, and finding my own path in life. I cannot think of someplace I'd rather be right now in the large scheme of things, but I also believe that things happen when they are ready to happen. I don't think there is a master plan in the universe, but there is an intelligence that leads certain flowers to bloom when the moon is out and leads the trees to sleep when winter comes, and leads food to be digested at a certain rate. Who are we to think that we can control the bigger unknowns ultimately? Like how a tree starts as a sapling and then blossoms to give fruit or seeds, life is always growing too and blossoming in its own way in people. The only thing we really need to do is be aware of that intelligence inside of us and around us.

I think when we lose track of that stillness, we really do lose ourselves in a sense.

Anyway, Christmas break is coming up and I won't have much work, so I plan on devoting that to studying Czech, which I'm starting to understand bits and pieces of during conversations, but still and a very beginning pupil of.

In case I don't write again before, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year!

Tristan Foy