The Personal Legend

So. At the request of a friend here I borrowed and read her copy of "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho.

The whole books is an allegory for staying true to one's self, true to one's dreams, told in a way where the protagonist, a young boy who leaves the seminary because of his desire to travel, is following a literal dream telling him there is treasure buried somewhere near the pyramids.

I recommend this book, as it is charming and both simple and profound simultaneously.

It can be, however, terrifying in parts. At time while I was reading it, I asked myself, "Am I following my dream? Am I trying to achieve my Personal Legend? Am I brave enough to see it through?"

I think I am. I think this is part of it. I cannot put my dream really into words, and perhaps this is true for everyone. But when people ask me, if I could do anything in the world, what would it be, personally or professionally, I am at a loss for words. I can usually put together some kind of answer (although when it comes to professionally, I'm not sure I can because I don't think in terms of jobs or careers, but in terms of living), but I wonder then, does this mean dreams are beyond words, or I've simply lost sight of them in the jungle of the world?

For me it's not as simple as learning languages or traveling, although that is part of it. Learning as much as I can about as many topics as I can, that's closer, but still rather clunky.

But what I want most in life is peace, but I feel precious little of that. And I don't know why. It makes me wonder if I'm not on the right path in life, or if there's something wrong with me, but I rarely am at peace. I've taken to meditating and doing yoga and that is helping, but often in my life I feel surrounded by threats in the form of and anxiety and always "what if's?"

And then on a practical level following my dream of coming back to Europe is proving difficult as I still have no job as an English teacher. I haven't given up and I'm still optimistic, but sometimes I wonder whether this is some kind of test to see how badly we want something, or are we being told that we are on the wrong path?

I don't feel I'm on the wrong path, but when people say they don't do something unless they feel 100% I am a little jealous of them. I've never felt 100% about hardly anything; instead I tend to take all the information I can and go with what I have. Every time I've left the country it's been like jumping into a dark void of the unknown. I've always had reservations but I also know I can't let those hold me back.

But there's the little voice in my head saying I'll be living a life of mediocrity if I don't find something certain, and one thing I certainly DON'T want 100% is a mediocre life. I don't want to survive, I want to live! Life is to be enjoyed and celebrated, and like the quote goes (more or less) when the people see the body at the funeral and instead of seeing a tidy and pristine body the see one that causes them to say "Holy shit! This person grabbed life by the horns!"

What well-loved pair of shoes or well-loved book looks like they are in mint condition? Very few (although I do love books that don't look like they dragged all the way to hell).

Regardless, if I'm on the path of what I feel is right, and I sense that I am, I don't know why I keep having obstacles put in my way. Sometimes I don't want experience; sometimes I just want things to go right!

Anyways, I seem to have run out of writing steam before I get repetitive, so I'll close up here.

May you have a wonderful day/night, wherever you are.

Tristan Foy