Post from Rinconada

Written March 25, 2009

Dear Constant Readers,

Out my screened windows I see the green mountain across the way on the far side of the river. On a clear day I can see the town perched on its face, but right now everything is covered in clouds over there.

I miss the blue sky and pretty sunsets. I’ve joked with myself that when I go home I’m going to move to a desert so I never have to see rain again, but that’s not true. I like rain fine, but I looking at clouds all the time can get rather dreary.

I should point out something, mostly to myself than to anyone else: I just finished reading a book called “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, in which he discusses humanity’s collective need to simply accept what is, whatever that may be, and not worry about the past, which is sealed in the past and does not define who we truly are, nor worry about the future, where setting goals to fulfill us is like walking towards a mirage. And already I have failed in the latter part of that by saying I want blue skies. Oh well. Consciousness is part of what he teaches, and at least I’m aware of trying to learn.

Actually, I predict his book will be pivotal in my life. I read it at the advice of a very trusted friend, so whenever I started to think some of his advice was “out there” I was patient to keep reading. In all reality, I don’t think the book is original at all, but it was never intended to be. Tolle bases his “teachings,” if you want to call them that, on the teachings of other more well-known figures, ranging from Buddha to Jesus, never choosing favorites. It’s had an impact on how I view things that have happened to me in the past, and the flaws I’ve had in my character, and has given me some insights on who I believe I am versus how am I perceived through my ego. Anyway, I’m aware that while I write this, it can sound rather strange, but the book is really far more down to earth than I am making it seem. I’m going to have to re-read it though because a lot of it I haven’t understood yet.

I think my work will pick up here now that school has started. The director of the secondary school has expressed some interest that I do some talks on hand-washing with the health post, and one of the students has asked me on a couple of occasions if he can swing by and ask me for advice on English, which of course he and anyone else can. The director asked me to be an English teacher in the school, which I was afraid of, and I had to say no. I don’t know if I’m not cut out to be a teacher, not cut out to be a teacher for young people, or just not having luck with my English class with my host brothers, but I know that if I’m the one creating a lesson plan for teaching English, I’m not going to be happy, which means my students wouldn’t be happy, either. This is kind of surprising because I really thought I would enjoy teaching English. I was actually looking forward to it. But then I realized that the way I learn languages is different from many other people, and I don’t know for sure how to get to them.

It’s a little disconcerting because what I am interested in maybe doing professionally likely involves teaching, however at an academic level.

I feel a little bit like a linguist named Kenneth Hale who said that in school he didn’t do very well as a student. The only thing he cared about was languages and he let everything else slide. In college I had some of that in me, although I was too studious to really let my studies slide. I tried to do languages but ultimately it was too much for me to juggle at the time. In high school I certainly felt that way, though. Dad once remarked when he saw me reading a German workbook on the way to church that if I cared as much about math as I did about languages I wouldn’t be struggling in math. He was probably right.

In my village here I do care about helping out here. I feel a little constricted by the rainy season as far as getting materials up here, and frankly overwhelmed by the logistics of everything, but I’ve learned that it doesn’t pay to worry. Things will work out, and I plan on working hard to achieve what I can up here. But I cannot deny that in my free time, which has been plenty so far, I’m probably studying French by reading “L’Étranger,” or writing glosses for stories written in Kaqchikel or Jiwarli, reading chapters of the Old Testament in Esperanto, reading about ergative grammar structure or Navajo phonetics, not to mention everyday using my Spanish. Sometimes it can be exhausting and I wonder if this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, but ultimately I always come back to it because indeed I find pleasure and adventure in these words. I don’t know how to realize my dream of working with endangered languages, documenting them before they die out, or just collect data from exotic languages about which little is known. Sometimes I don’t even know if that is what I want to do with my life. Maybe it isn’t. But it doesn’t matter right now. If something else comes along, than it will come along in good time. Right now my job is to focus on the present, at what I have at hand, work here in this town and soak up the knowledge of the resources I have at hand. And then we’ll see what happens later.

Hope all is well.

Tristan

Reconnect

Dear Constant Readers,

I spent a good part of the week within site of the Pacific Ocean. That night I stood looking at the dark horizon and listened as the ocean break against the coast like a powerful animal living, breathing and being. I reflected on where I had come from and where all I had gone in my life, and what experiences I had had up till then. It occurred to me that such amazing things don't just happen, and that there is a mighty force in my life, and that there is no need to worry about things I cannot control anyway.

I've never been much of a beach person having been raised in Nebraska. I had never even seen the ocean until I was 17 in Mexico. They saw the ocean is immense and can make you feel insignificant. I think it does, too. But when I stand with the surf breaking around my bare feet I think that I'm standing in the same water that floats around India and Greenland and Texas and the Philippians. For me the ocean is a symbol of how small and interconnected the world is. What power in a thing that can sustain life, be immense but remind you how the world which it makes up is so small.

The reason I was near the beach is because we had Reconnect, a session that lasts a few days for all of the Peace Corps Volunteers in a given group (in our case, Peru 12). We catch up with everyone - the highlight, but also get some technical advice and so forth.

While friendships have formed more solidly between certain groups of people in certain areas, in many ways it felt like being in training again. The people I felt closest to I still felt "closest" to, but there were others that I felt close to as well that I hadn't earlier.

I am planning on going back to the same city we were in to run a half marathon in July. The deciding factor was when I learned that one of my friends who had to go home is planning on coming to run it. Our group has now lost a volunteer from each program: one from Environment, one from Health, and one from Water and Sanitation, but best group, bringing our number to 45 volunteers, still a commendable number.

I've had a problem in the writing of some of my entries, and one I think I've found a solution to. For me, writing takes a certain mood because I want to do more than just convey a message, but try to convey a mood as well. A relationship with the words. In Piura it is hard for me to find that vibe to write in. I have considered writing in my site whenever I feel like it and then just upload it here, but I never did that because I want to write about a cumulative experience of sorts. But I feel my content and quality is suffering, so I'm going to do this. What helped me decide was when another person suggested I write in site as well. I decided that if it had occurred to me and to at least one other person, maybe I shouldn't cast the idea aside so quickly. So I'll try that and see what happens. Therefore hopefully this next entry I write will be more like some of my old ones. Because I feel like I have a lot to say, but just not the words to do it now.

Until that day,
Tristan

Finding My Center

Dear Constant Readers,

Every time I come to Piura I feel a little depressed. This week I finally figured what causes that feeling. In my site the life is so slow that when I come into the city I'm overwhelmed by emails to answer, people to call, things to write, errands to run, tasty food to eat, people to meet, and it all sort of hits you like a grand piano dropped out of an eighth floor apartment window.

Which is actually the reason why I didn't write the last time I was in Piura. I was just too busy. And at my site itself I have also been busy. But not exactly with service work as it were. That's mainly what I want to write about tonight.

I was reflecting about my reasons why I joined Peace Corps. Was it for adventure? Yes, in a big part. It was also because I wasn't sure where I might want to go in my life, but something about this potential adventure attracted me. And then it began to dawn on me while reading some of the testimonies written by friends, colleagues and students of linguist Kenneth Hale, who worked at MIT. I realized that one of the driving reasons for me was to learn the language of a given area (or improve, as is the case) but also so become aware of the culture. I think I am most interested in building kinds of cultural bridges.

I need not stress I'm sure how passionate I am about languages, and I started to consider that perhaps this is the route I want to take in life. I have considered it often, but now I wonder if working in linguistics is what I want to do. For years it has been my dream to travel and work with a variety of languages and see a variety of cultures, and I'm hoping that maybe I can find away to do that kind of field work.

You see, I'm not the service work type of person. To me, the importance is showing others how cultures are valuable and making them aware that we all are human who share the same planet. It might sound kind of idealist, but it's something that I am coming to see. In my mind, I am interested in doing it through languages, truly unique marks of genius to the imagination of humanity.

Once I started to realize this about myself, I have noticed that I feel better at my site. I actually don't have much to report from there specifically, but little by little it is becoming more homelike to me. Overall I feel more comfortable there.

Here I am going to end this entry due to the fact it's late and I have to pack still. I will try to write more in my next entry.

Hope all is well!

Tristan