Dear Constant Readers,

All of us have our thing. All of us have that one challenge or family of challenges that call us to grow. These challenges are similar in that we all share experiences with one another, but the impact our lives uniquely. You know of what I speak.

One of my friends gave up a smoking habit after 7 years. He just kicked it when he joined the Peace Corps and hasn't lit up in over a month yet. He also told me that this trip would be a way to purify himself. For a person who doesn't believe in a soul, I find that to be a very soulful remark.

For myself, I am also going through this process of trying to be more true to myself. Over the past several years of my life, I've had huge dreams, and have had the courage to fulfill some of them, but somehow have always had a confidence problem. I don't know why, but I always seemed to compare myself to others, some who were people I was so different from I would count it as a blessing to just be myself, but because I always instinctively have gone against the flow of the norm, I've also felt periodically lost.

Being or feeling lost is a very normal feeling for all of us, but it is constantly labeled as bad or an incorrect way to spend one's life. I wouldn't want to spend my whole life lost, but I wouldn't want to settle for someone else's life/answers either, or simply settle for just something less. I think this is one reason why I have felt insecure for so long. I didn't have the answers in life I needed, I didn't have a plan, just an outline with planned detours in various somewheres along the way.

I don't think we are supposed to so much find our place in the world as just to find our place in ourselves, because the world is something we cannot ever really control. I for example really want to learn Spanish, and learn it as well as I can. But I feel out of place in the language sometimes because I'm one of the few people in the world who don't really like how it sounds, nor am I at home in the sort of mix of "in your face" and "close-knitted-ness" of Latin America, just to mention how loud it is, not just in sounds, but in body language and colors and styles of music and dance and so forth. When I see other people say it is part of their soul, this culture here (or I would probably be more accurate to say myriad of cultures in Latin America) I know that my home here will grow slowly. But I also know that in my life, I am here for a reason and that I don't have to feel settled here to look back on this fondly. I do want to feel settled here, but I can't force it.

Some people go to someplace they feel drawn to. So did I, but I am not sure why still what that draw was. I'm still looking for that. I had some ideas of what I wanted, but I think there was something deeper than that. Something to really help me grow, and to help me live a full life. The plans I had had were quickly blown to the wind, so to speak, so now I really do have a chance to just try to take life as it comes, with all of its challenges.

Hope all is well,
Tristan

It Feels Good to Have Internet in My Laptop Again

Dear Constant Readers,

Earlier this week I discovered my flash drive went the way of the dodo. I figured I wouldn't be able to do the blog thing again until I had a new flash drive, as I don't want to write forever on internet cafe computers, but then I decided that I could just take my laptop to the one empty slot in the cafe and plug it in directly. What really motivated me to do so was the fact that my computer was acting funky and I figured it needed an updated virus scan, however.

Anyway, things here are going good. I am entering week four and have adjusted pretty well to the culture here so far. Adding to the adjustment was a much needed stop at a Pizza Hut in Lima. God that was good. The pizza by American standards kind a bit disappointing, but by starving for a taste of home standards, it was comparable to the finest cut of steak.

Last week one of my Spanish-class mates suggested we watch "Pan's Labyrinth" in Spanish class I guess we had hoped to talk about it, but instead, our teacher, who had never seen the movie before, seemed rather queasy by it and told us how the movie was anti-Christian among other things. This left all four of us a little stunned at how much he reacted to the movie.

I am over-coming gradual illnesses that have plagued me. Last weekend I had a sore throat that was bad it would have been almost impossible to eat anything solid. But a steady and solid dosage of Ibuprofen at an amount to rival the most jaded alcoholic's liver put an end to that little adventure.

Today I finally learned how to do laundry by hand. It's amazing the luxury we have in the states. Here, the plumbing is such that you have to throw toilet paper out rather than flush down the toilet because it can clog pipes up. It's not as crazy as you think though, and in fact when I go to my site in November, odds resources will even be less than that.

I have been downloading a lot of books to read, but I have made very little progress in the ones I've already brought. I wanted to find a Quechua grammar book, but I don't know where I would look to find a good one, so second to that, I'd like to find a Bible in Quechua and try to learn the language with that...or at the very least acquaint myself with it.

Overall life is going well, and although I'm sure I have a lot to say if I just thought about it, I can't think of much right now. I am constantly around people, and although I very much enjoy spending time with my friends, I need some space too, so this weekend I took some and played on my computer a bit.

Soon we will learn how to build a latrine (maybe next week) and I am looking forward to that. Hands-on stuff rocks. Last week we learned how to mold PCV (or PVC, I can never remember) pipes for water, we got to go on a field trip to see a water system in action, and we also got to learn how to make banana bread over a hand-made oven, to name a few sessions. In fact, the only session that I haven't really enjoyed was the First Aid one last week that left me feeling a little in knots. I really hope I never need to use any of that because a) I don't want to be in a situation that stressful, but also because b) I have a hard time stomaching that stuff.

Dealing with stress has been aided somewhat by some running groups we have put together that meet sometimes after class. Last week many of us also met at various other volunteers' homes to watch the Vice President debates. It feels good to have something in common.

Anyway, I think I'm going to sign off on that note. I mostly wanted to get a blog entry off. Thanks for reading and I hope all is well!

Tristan