End of College Burnout

Dear Constant Readers,

The thing is, I need to just vent some stuff onto the wide web for my own therapeutic purposes. The end of school, at least until grad school, which at this point I'm not even thinking about, is just around the corner for me. And I am running out of gas. I am so tired of working on my thesis research and papers I just want to scream or cry. I put together my first draft earlier this week and now have to edit it and prepare a PowerPoint to defend it. It's hard to really do this because the work is daunting. In truth, I'm just tired of my major. I should have been something more artistic, like an English major or something along those lines. I don't enjoy processing the data that a Global Studies major is required to do. I'm just burned out with school, when you get down to the nitty-gritty of it, and I doubt I selected the correct field of study for me, now that I have the grace of being able to look back over things. Not to say that it is a bad major, it just isn't right for me. Thankfully, I will soon have my degree to literally do whatever I jolly well please, but I wish I had directed my energy elsewhere.

I wonder, did I go wrong somewhere? Did I yay when I should have nayed? Or is it just a trial and error thing? Probably some of both. In fairness, I honestly thought I would enjoy my degree throughly, seeing as how it had to do with a lot of things I liked (and still does, but not in the ways I like them, I guess). I wanted to give it an honest chance, but by the time I really knew, "Hey, this isn't working for me," it was too late if I wanted to get out in four years. What's the hurry? $$$ and my lack thereof once my scholarships run out on May 17th.

But here I am, wondering if I should be happy or disappointed, and wondering what it means that I even ask myself that.

This winter sure hasn't helped. This is the worst winter I can recall in my life. It just won't END. Please end! Jack Frost, bugger off! Slowly getting warmer, although these last few days have shown that winter has certainly been assertive in its mission, especially since it's spring now.

I feel guilty around roommates having to do all this work. They have finished their theses, or have not had as demanding courses, or simply don't have to do one at all, so they seem to be having a more stress-free way to look at things. I don't feel I have that luxury, and it makes me envious, so I don't think they understand exactly when they tease me about doing my work, it's a teasing that starts to get under my skin. I'd rather play video games with them, even though I'm not terribly good. It's a catch-22 for me. I'm not good at playing these games, so I start to get frustrated when I lose pitifully to them every time, when they do so much better, yet when I opt to not play to save myself the frustration, I end up feeling like I've left myself out of the group.

Same goes with cookouts. I like socializing, but I'm not a fan of cookout food like grilled steaks all the time (it just doesn't taste as exciting), yet feel obliged to participate for the sake of socializing.

I think I need to go brew a tea or something to cheer myself up. I don't understand why I'm so glum about things right now.

On the plus side, this is all almost over, and it will be behind me, one way or another. I'm on the road to healing myself from last semester, and have started to take more control of my life, like prioritizing better. Sometimes you just gotta do it.

Hope all is well.
Tristan