News from the break
Dear Constant Readers,
Once again I am writing from my university. Generally I really dislike using public computers because I am afraid they save my information, like my passwords, and stuff, which has happened to me before when something did log out like I thought it had. And thus I've become a bit paranoid of computer cafes and so forth. But really, it looks like I have no choice anymore, and some internet access is better than no internet access at all.
This past week has been quite relaxing in general. My floor in Cusanushaus has normally been quiet, but now it's been especially so since a lot of people have either gone home or retreat into their rooms to study for tests that they have over the break. But in the absence of almost everyone, I've gotten the chance to get to spend some more time with one of the people on my floor, and have thus gotten to know her better. One-on-one relationships are the kinds that I prefer, but I think that at some level, most people might feel the same way. It's part of the reason why I chose a small university over a large one where the professor doesn't see anything but a blob of faces in a lecture hall.
Anyway, Christina, the girl I just mentioned, is the same one who, at the beginning of the year sort of rescued me by knowing Spanish and talking to me in that when my German still sucked. We've spent some time hanging out, and then a few days ago a new student moved in, a fellow from Mexico, so the three of us showed him some parts of Trier on the far side of the Moselle; the nature side, as opposed to the city side.
Initially, I was worried that I wouldn't be taking advantage of my free time if I didn't travel more, but really, I'm quite happy here spending time with the people here when I can.
But I will be doing some traveling, nonetheless. Tomorrow I fly to Denmark for a week to see a friend of mine who studied at my university. I'm looking forward to the trip, but I'm also nervous about it. Part of the reason is because what I discussed in my last blog entry: I look at traveling as a matter of course for me, but also I sometimes get a little nervous before leaving, especially when connecting flights and strict time tables are involved.
Otherwise I've been taking it fairly easy here. The weather has been usually unpleasant, so I've spent a fair amount of time indoors studying my grammar book, or trying to read 'The Life of Pi' ('Schiffbruch mit Tiger') in German, a book that I've mentioned already, I think. So far in all my language learning career, I've only read one book in a foreign language: 'Un Mexicano Mas' in Spanish. I forget who wrote it, but I recall not being too impressed by the story. A Spanish teacher gave it to me to read because it was a short novella, and not too complicated, or so he seemed to think, but I still needed a couple of months of pouring over it with my little electronic dictionary. My host mother read it in one sitting, and also said that she didn't like it too much. I have a few other books in foreign languages, but I haven't read any of them yet. This is something that I really need to change, because I enjoy reading grammars (to a point, then I get tired after a while) but a language is far more than merely grammar, the same that a human body is more than just skeleton and muscle, although both are necessary.
I saw off a friend of mine last week, Joseph, one of the guys who had come to Ireland with Brian, Ily, and me. I was surprised at how sad I was to see him go. He and I never spent much time together, and barely ever talked, but he always had something to say, usually something thought out, even if I didn't always agree with it. I'm glad that he asked me to help him carry his stuff to the taxi cab, though. He was the first person I saw when I got here; in fact, he arrived the exact same moment I did, and I think it was appropriate then that I saw him off from Cusanushaus as well. And of course, I was sad because it reminded me of how I'm going to be leaving soon. More than half of my trip here is already gone. I'll be happy to get back and see my friends, sure, and of course be with my family again, but it's never easy to say goodbye.
But I don't have to think about that yet (except for finding which date I'll come home on).
Another woe that I've been trying to get rein of is trying to be lighthearted about my language studies. This is something that I've written about before, so you can be sure that it is something quite important to me. Twice this past week I've been told I need to just go easier on myself, but it's hard for me to do, although they are right. I know they are, because I give people the same advice they are giving me. But advice is always easier to give than to receive, isn't it? Why do I want to learn a language as well as a native speaker? To prove I can do it, to myself, and to prove it can be done, to anyone who cares. Probably not very many. It's more of a personal challenge, the way the person sets the goal to run the mile in such and such a time, or whatever. By that analogy, however, everyone can train their hearts out, but not everyone can be a gold medal Olympist.
Maybe I'm not as good as I want to be, or as I believed I was. Part of me wanted to be the best, and I don't think I need to be apologetic about it. Who wouldn't want to stand heads and shoulders above the crowd? I think it's a natural feeling, so why should I be any different? But to realize that one will never be as good as they want is a bit of a humbling blow. It makes me wonder if maybe I've invested my time poorly. I've come far, damn far considering I taught myself almost everything I know, and has gotten my practice here. From the view on the outside, it probably is easier to see how far I've come. One seldom feels himself growing, yet one day the realize they can see over the edge of the table. But on the inside, I can see still where the faults are. Where the words are missing, where the confidence is missing, etc. Maybe I've misinterpreted the literature I read back when I was younger. They always stressed the importance to be focused, the importance to believe in yourself, and maybe I've taken it too far.
Years ago I hated running. I hated the burning feeling in my chest, I hated coughing up that salty glob of saliva because I was out of shape and could be outrun by a tree, and would have given anything to fall into a heap instead of run around the church basement (St. Luke's didn't have a gym) under the eye of the gym teacher Mrs. Lewis. Now though, I love running, if the weather's decent. I don't take it seriously, and I never really have. I've never gotten stressed about running itself (I did about Track, but that's a different story), hardly ever ate right, and with an impish smile I shamelessly drank of the forbidden nectar, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Barqs, and any other black carbonated goodness, right in front of my coaches, because I just didn't give a damn. I had fun, though.
I have endurance when I run now. I'm relatively in shape. I go jogging, make my own schedule, go my own routes. I no longer don't compete against anyone. But I have the endurance that is needed to go for miles long on a good day, through hills and all that. I plan on continuing running, because its about as simple (not necessarily easy, though) as any sport there is.
So maybe I need this attitude when I study languages. I've always felt though, that this lacked a focus...for running, I just run, but for learning a language, I've felt I've needed a focus to learn one, because there are so many that I want to get to I want to get to a good, comfortably fluent level and then move on to the next. It's a bit like training for a marathon, for which I would have to focus, because I would not be in shape for competitive running of that caliber right now.
But maybe I'll find I accomplish more if I take it in less serious steps than I have been going on. Basically, my question is this: Is it possible, I ask myself, and anyone else who might be interested, to believe in one's self, and ease up without compromising that belief? Does that even make sense? I don't want to lose the edge, so to speak, that I've been trying to get, nor do I want to lose sight of my long-term goals of learning many languages, and learning them well. Some part of me is afraid that by even taking things in smaller bites, which is what I know I *do* need to do, I'd someone be cheating myself. This is what I'm passionate about. Some people love sports, some love politics, some love computers, some love whatever. This is what I have. I don't know what I'm trying to prove. That I'm the best? I'm not, not in the entire world, but I would like to be the best I can personally be. But is passion about trying to prove anything to the world? Maybe it's just trying to find something that gives meaning to one's life.
So I don't have anything else to say about that. Oh, look, it's raining. The weather here for the past couple of days was quite nice, a bit of a rarity here. But I need to wrap this up.
I appreciate that there are people out there who are reading this, people I don't even know about, and people that I love dearly, alike. Even if it does get a bit tiresome once in a while!
I hope all is well, like always.
Sincerely,
Tristan
Once again I am writing from my university. Generally I really dislike using public computers because I am afraid they save my information, like my passwords, and stuff, which has happened to me before when something did log out like I thought it had. And thus I've become a bit paranoid of computer cafes and so forth. But really, it looks like I have no choice anymore, and some internet access is better than no internet access at all.
This past week has been quite relaxing in general. My floor in Cusanushaus has normally been quiet, but now it's been especially so since a lot of people have either gone home or retreat into their rooms to study for tests that they have over the break. But in the absence of almost everyone, I've gotten the chance to get to spend some more time with one of the people on my floor, and have thus gotten to know her better. One-on-one relationships are the kinds that I prefer, but I think that at some level, most people might feel the same way. It's part of the reason why I chose a small university over a large one where the professor doesn't see anything but a blob of faces in a lecture hall.
Anyway, Christina, the girl I just mentioned, is the same one who, at the beginning of the year sort of rescued me by knowing Spanish and talking to me in that when my German still sucked. We've spent some time hanging out, and then a few days ago a new student moved in, a fellow from Mexico, so the three of us showed him some parts of Trier on the far side of the Moselle; the nature side, as opposed to the city side.
Initially, I was worried that I wouldn't be taking advantage of my free time if I didn't travel more, but really, I'm quite happy here spending time with the people here when I can.
But I will be doing some traveling, nonetheless. Tomorrow I fly to Denmark for a week to see a friend of mine who studied at my university. I'm looking forward to the trip, but I'm also nervous about it. Part of the reason is because what I discussed in my last blog entry: I look at traveling as a matter of course for me, but also I sometimes get a little nervous before leaving, especially when connecting flights and strict time tables are involved.
Otherwise I've been taking it fairly easy here. The weather has been usually unpleasant, so I've spent a fair amount of time indoors studying my grammar book, or trying to read 'The Life of Pi' ('Schiffbruch mit Tiger') in German, a book that I've mentioned already, I think. So far in all my language learning career, I've only read one book in a foreign language: 'Un Mexicano Mas' in Spanish. I forget who wrote it, but I recall not being too impressed by the story. A Spanish teacher gave it to me to read because it was a short novella, and not too complicated, or so he seemed to think, but I still needed a couple of months of pouring over it with my little electronic dictionary. My host mother read it in one sitting, and also said that she didn't like it too much. I have a few other books in foreign languages, but I haven't read any of them yet. This is something that I really need to change, because I enjoy reading grammars (to a point, then I get tired after a while) but a language is far more than merely grammar, the same that a human body is more than just skeleton and muscle, although both are necessary.
I saw off a friend of mine last week, Joseph, one of the guys who had come to Ireland with Brian, Ily, and me. I was surprised at how sad I was to see him go. He and I never spent much time together, and barely ever talked, but he always had something to say, usually something thought out, even if I didn't always agree with it. I'm glad that he asked me to help him carry his stuff to the taxi cab, though. He was the first person I saw when I got here; in fact, he arrived the exact same moment I did, and I think it was appropriate then that I saw him off from Cusanushaus as well. And of course, I was sad because it reminded me of how I'm going to be leaving soon. More than half of my trip here is already gone. I'll be happy to get back and see my friends, sure, and of course be with my family again, but it's never easy to say goodbye.
But I don't have to think about that yet (except for finding which date I'll come home on).
Another woe that I've been trying to get rein of is trying to be lighthearted about my language studies. This is something that I've written about before, so you can be sure that it is something quite important to me. Twice this past week I've been told I need to just go easier on myself, but it's hard for me to do, although they are right. I know they are, because I give people the same advice they are giving me. But advice is always easier to give than to receive, isn't it? Why do I want to learn a language as well as a native speaker? To prove I can do it, to myself, and to prove it can be done, to anyone who cares. Probably not very many. It's more of a personal challenge, the way the person sets the goal to run the mile in such and such a time, or whatever. By that analogy, however, everyone can train their hearts out, but not everyone can be a gold medal Olympist.
Maybe I'm not as good as I want to be, or as I believed I was. Part of me wanted to be the best, and I don't think I need to be apologetic about it. Who wouldn't want to stand heads and shoulders above the crowd? I think it's a natural feeling, so why should I be any different? But to realize that one will never be as good as they want is a bit of a humbling blow. It makes me wonder if maybe I've invested my time poorly. I've come far, damn far considering I taught myself almost everything I know, and has gotten my practice here. From the view on the outside, it probably is easier to see how far I've come. One seldom feels himself growing, yet one day the realize they can see over the edge of the table. But on the inside, I can see still where the faults are. Where the words are missing, where the confidence is missing, etc. Maybe I've misinterpreted the literature I read back when I was younger. They always stressed the importance to be focused, the importance to believe in yourself, and maybe I've taken it too far.
Years ago I hated running. I hated the burning feeling in my chest, I hated coughing up that salty glob of saliva because I was out of shape and could be outrun by a tree, and would have given anything to fall into a heap instead of run around the church basement (St. Luke's didn't have a gym) under the eye of the gym teacher Mrs. Lewis. Now though, I love running, if the weather's decent. I don't take it seriously, and I never really have. I've never gotten stressed about running itself (I did about Track, but that's a different story), hardly ever ate right, and with an impish smile I shamelessly drank of the forbidden nectar, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Barqs, and any other black carbonated goodness, right in front of my coaches, because I just didn't give a damn. I had fun, though.
I have endurance when I run now. I'm relatively in shape. I go jogging, make my own schedule, go my own routes. I no longer don't compete against anyone. But I have the endurance that is needed to go for miles long on a good day, through hills and all that. I plan on continuing running, because its about as simple (not necessarily easy, though) as any sport there is.
So maybe I need this attitude when I study languages. I've always felt though, that this lacked a focus...for running, I just run, but for learning a language, I've felt I've needed a focus to learn one, because there are so many that I want to get to I want to get to a good, comfortably fluent level and then move on to the next. It's a bit like training for a marathon, for which I would have to focus, because I would not be in shape for competitive running of that caliber right now.
But maybe I'll find I accomplish more if I take it in less serious steps than I have been going on. Basically, my question is this: Is it possible, I ask myself, and anyone else who might be interested, to believe in one's self, and ease up without compromising that belief? Does that even make sense? I don't want to lose the edge, so to speak, that I've been trying to get, nor do I want to lose sight of my long-term goals of learning many languages, and learning them well. Some part of me is afraid that by even taking things in smaller bites, which is what I know I *do* need to do, I'd someone be cheating myself. This is what I'm passionate about. Some people love sports, some love politics, some love computers, some love whatever. This is what I have. I don't know what I'm trying to prove. That I'm the best? I'm not, not in the entire world, but I would like to be the best I can personally be. But is passion about trying to prove anything to the world? Maybe it's just trying to find something that gives meaning to one's life.
So I don't have anything else to say about that. Oh, look, it's raining. The weather here for the past couple of days was quite nice, a bit of a rarity here. But I need to wrap this up.
I appreciate that there are people out there who are reading this, people I don't even know about, and people that I love dearly, alike. Even if it does get a bit tiresome once in a while!
I hope all is well, like always.
Sincerely,
Tristan
posted by Tristan | 5:40 AM
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