In Honor of Patrick's Birthday!
Dear Readers,
Patrick is one of my best friends. I’ve been meaning to write a blog entry devoted to him but so far have never found the time. But now, Patrick, your time has come.
Most of you already know a little about Patrick, either by knowing him personally or from my blogs. For those of you who don’t, Patrick was a fellow WatSan volunteer, the nearest volunteer to me in Peru. As a result we spent a lot of time talking about almost any topic, although Patrick had a few choice ones he kept coming back to. I’d like to tell you a little bit about this young man.
There is the mis-founded rumor that Patrick hates fun, but a short biography that rivals even those of Marco Polo or Sir Richard Burton shows that Patrick’s middle name is Fun. And adventure. And dashing daring-do. And prodigy. He has a lot of middle names.
Patrick was born 25 years ago today, but in those 25 years he has experienced enough life to encompass a whole set of encyclopedias. Indeed his life of adventure began when he ran off and joined the circus as sword swallower. While touring through Europe and Asia he found solace in getting in touch with first his Irish and then Chinese heritage. He parted ways with the traveling circus and became a pupil of the Chinese monk Lao Chung Tze. Through past-life regressions he discovered that he formerly inhabited the body of a butterfly, and still vividly dreams of it. Under the guidance of his teacher, Patrick eventually mastered Presence and found fulfillment as a guru and often taught about the precious power of Now.
As seasons passed in the homeland of his ancestors, Patrick thirsted for more adventure, and so he set out to find treasures lost throughout the ages. In this he proved successful, discovering the Ark of the Covenant in Egypt, Noah’s Ark on Mount Ararat in Turkey, and Arc de Triumph in Paris, France.
Having found all the various shapes that arcs could come in, Patrick set his mind to physical mastery, inspired by living with the Tarahumara Indians in Mexico. The linguistic dominance in Spanish achieved by Patrick has been hailed as “the most colloquial of all the Piura volunteers,” a high and rare praise indeed.
He trained to get by eating a strict diet of Cold Stone, Coke Zero and Chipotle while dominating fifty Iron Man competitions in fifty states in fifty days. Satisfied by his achievement of badassery, he devoted his life for the next few years to fighting crime. He became a wizard at solving crimes, solving the infamous crimes such as “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” and “Where in the World Is Carmen San Diego?” He also infiltrated the crime world while disguised as a disfigured giggling clown, enabling FBI, CIA and Batman to jointly stop Russians from hijacking Air Force One. His code name, now declassified, was Sherlock “Bro”mes.
Having made his name known in the crime fighting world, Patrick then went on to study at Hogwarts, graduating the seven year program in a record two and finding the time to found a new Hogwarts house named for the rare and mystical floating animal, the Jellybird.
While singing in the Hogwarts choir, Patrick was discovered by talent scouts for his musical genius, rivaling even the Jonas Brothers. He was immediately recruited to write songs for the up and coming hit show “Glee,” and the “High School Musical” saga. Patrick was awarded Grammy for Record of the Year for his album “Close Your Eyes and Shine Like a Star” and for Single of the Year “Da Chillest Ting In Da Whole Wide World.” That same year Patrick’s prodigious and soulful musical work was honored with a Lifetime Achievement Award by the Academy Awards. It was also his encyclopedia-like familiarity with music and the Power of Now that enabled him to draft a peace treaty between the Jets and the Sharks, thus ending a violent feud on the West Side.
Patrick’s biggest peace-keeping challenge was yet to come, however, he befriended a little lost alien and had to devise a way for it to phone home before its home civilization misunderstood us to be holding the little squishy alien hostage and thus send ships to blow up our major cities. Patrick also volunteered to go as an ambassador of peace. He was transported through a stone ring known as a Stargate and had to communicate with the extraterrestrials in the universal language of breakdance, thus successfully being the first human to extend the olive branch across the stars.
In between extensively updating and supplementing the Encyclopedia Britannica, Oxford English Dictionary, and American Dictionary of Acronyms, Patrick found time to discover the Flying Dutchman, travel around the world in a mere 80 minutes (in a oil-free jetpack of his own design), and recreationally puts out forest fires.
Patrick has his own line of business casual clothes and gear for cold weather sites. The crown jewel of his clothing line is a wristwatch made from the robust skin of the lightning eel.
The art of the party was not invented by Patrick, but it was completely re-defined by him. It’s well known he went to Kramba Night Club with the teachers from his site one time, but one party with Patrick is the only one you’ll ever need.
In addition achieving the most profound levels of Zen, traveling to the edges of the known world and universe not just as a Peace Corps Volunteer, but as an example of the best of the human condition, inventing world-changing technology, and contributing to the collective art of humanity and speaking at TED conferences a record 14 times, Patrick is the only person so far to receive a Nobel Prize in each category:
Peace was for “Outstanding dedication to work in the last three months of service, despite being advised several times against such action.”
Literature: “For an outstanding and comprehensive body of literature regarding worm composting that has created a revolution in gardening techniques around the world in northern Peru.”
Physics: “For proposing and discovering extraordinary and ingenious methods to use fluids as it pertains to determining how long a body stays in one place.”
Chemistry: “For allowing flea killing poisons to be tested on himself, thus preventing the spread of plague.”
Economics: “For inventing a revolutionary system of exchange, where each deed is rewarded with an extemporaneous song commenting on the human condition through an economic vocabulary.”
Medicine: “For his study of lower-Andean cañazo usage and its effects on motor functions during social and economic functions in small communities.”
Patrick was recently awarded the Chuck Norris Award for actually breaking the laws of reality in sheer awesomeness. But it is indeed rather homage than an award, since it is a household fact that the character of Chuck Norris is based on Patrick himself.
A true life artist of our times, we wish you a happy birthday, dear Patrick, and many happy returns! We love you!
Patrick is one of my best friends. I’ve been meaning to write a blog entry devoted to him but so far have never found the time. But now, Patrick, your time has come.
Most of you already know a little about Patrick, either by knowing him personally or from my blogs. For those of you who don’t, Patrick was a fellow WatSan volunteer, the nearest volunteer to me in Peru. As a result we spent a lot of time talking about almost any topic, although Patrick had a few choice ones he kept coming back to. I’d like to tell you a little bit about this young man.
There is the mis-founded rumor that Patrick hates fun, but a short biography that rivals even those of Marco Polo or Sir Richard Burton shows that Patrick’s middle name is Fun. And adventure. And dashing daring-do. And prodigy. He has a lot of middle names.
Patrick was born 25 years ago today, but in those 25 years he has experienced enough life to encompass a whole set of encyclopedias. Indeed his life of adventure began when he ran off and joined the circus as sword swallower. While touring through Europe and Asia he found solace in getting in touch with first his Irish and then Chinese heritage. He parted ways with the traveling circus and became a pupil of the Chinese monk Lao Chung Tze. Through past-life regressions he discovered that he formerly inhabited the body of a butterfly, and still vividly dreams of it. Under the guidance of his teacher, Patrick eventually mastered Presence and found fulfillment as a guru and often taught about the precious power of Now.
As seasons passed in the homeland of his ancestors, Patrick thirsted for more adventure, and so he set out to find treasures lost throughout the ages. In this he proved successful, discovering the Ark of the Covenant in Egypt, Noah’s Ark on Mount Ararat in Turkey, and Arc de Triumph in Paris, France.
Having found all the various shapes that arcs could come in, Patrick set his mind to physical mastery, inspired by living with the Tarahumara Indians in Mexico. The linguistic dominance in Spanish achieved by Patrick has been hailed as “the most colloquial of all the Piura volunteers,” a high and rare praise indeed.
He trained to get by eating a strict diet of Cold Stone, Coke Zero and Chipotle while dominating fifty Iron Man competitions in fifty states in fifty days. Satisfied by his achievement of badassery, he devoted his life for the next few years to fighting crime. He became a wizard at solving crimes, solving the infamous crimes such as “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” and “Where in the World Is Carmen San Diego?” He also infiltrated the crime world while disguised as a disfigured giggling clown, enabling FBI, CIA and Batman to jointly stop Russians from hijacking Air Force One. His code name, now declassified, was Sherlock “Bro”mes.
Having made his name known in the crime fighting world, Patrick then went on to study at Hogwarts, graduating the seven year program in a record two and finding the time to found a new Hogwarts house named for the rare and mystical floating animal, the Jellybird.
While singing in the Hogwarts choir, Patrick was discovered by talent scouts for his musical genius, rivaling even the Jonas Brothers. He was immediately recruited to write songs for the up and coming hit show “Glee,” and the “High School Musical” saga. Patrick was awarded Grammy for Record of the Year for his album “Close Your Eyes and Shine Like a Star” and for Single of the Year “Da Chillest Ting In Da Whole Wide World.” That same year Patrick’s prodigious and soulful musical work was honored with a Lifetime Achievement Award by the Academy Awards. It was also his encyclopedia-like familiarity with music and the Power of Now that enabled him to draft a peace treaty between the Jets and the Sharks, thus ending a violent feud on the West Side.
Patrick’s biggest peace-keeping challenge was yet to come, however, he befriended a little lost alien and had to devise a way for it to phone home before its home civilization misunderstood us to be holding the little squishy alien hostage and thus send ships to blow up our major cities. Patrick also volunteered to go as an ambassador of peace. He was transported through a stone ring known as a Stargate and had to communicate with the extraterrestrials in the universal language of breakdance, thus successfully being the first human to extend the olive branch across the stars.
In between extensively updating and supplementing the Encyclopedia Britannica, Oxford English Dictionary, and American Dictionary of Acronyms, Patrick found time to discover the Flying Dutchman, travel around the world in a mere 80 minutes (in a oil-free jetpack of his own design), and recreationally puts out forest fires.
Patrick has his own line of business casual clothes and gear for cold weather sites. The crown jewel of his clothing line is a wristwatch made from the robust skin of the lightning eel.
The art of the party was not invented by Patrick, but it was completely re-defined by him. It’s well known he went to Kramba Night Club with the teachers from his site one time, but one party with Patrick is the only one you’ll ever need.
In addition achieving the most profound levels of Zen, traveling to the edges of the known world and universe not just as a Peace Corps Volunteer, but as an example of the best of the human condition, inventing world-changing technology, and contributing to the collective art of humanity and speaking at TED conferences a record 14 times, Patrick is the only person so far to receive a Nobel Prize in each category:
Peace was for “Outstanding dedication to work in the last three months of service, despite being advised several times against such action.”
Literature: “For an outstanding and comprehensive body of literature regarding worm composting that has created a revolution in gardening techniques around the world in northern Peru.”
Physics: “For proposing and discovering extraordinary and ingenious methods to use fluids as it pertains to determining how long a body stays in one place.”
Chemistry: “For allowing flea killing poisons to be tested on himself, thus preventing the spread of plague.”
Economics: “For inventing a revolutionary system of exchange, where each deed is rewarded with an extemporaneous song commenting on the human condition through an economic vocabulary.”
Medicine: “For his study of lower-Andean cañazo usage and its effects on motor functions during social and economic functions in small communities.”
Patrick was recently awarded the Chuck Norris Award for actually breaking the laws of reality in sheer awesomeness. But it is indeed rather homage than an award, since it is a household fact that the character of Chuck Norris is based on Patrick himself.
A true life artist of our times, we wish you a happy birthday, dear Patrick, and many happy returns! We love you!
posted by Tristan | 9:16 AM
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