After Field Based Training
Dear Constant Readers,
I know that the Peace Corps is right for me. So it’s something of a paradox perhaps that I sometimes wonder why am I here. What were my motives for coming? What do I hope to get out of it? And so forth…Some of these questions I have begun to discover answers for, but many of them still restlessly swoop around in the canopy of my mind like birds looking for a roost.
I know that I am not the only person in my very group who has asked themselves these questions, let alone the first person in the entirety of Peace Corps history. I was following my instincts in joining up, and I know that I have wanted to see South America, so that answers some of my questions. When it comes to helping people, things are harder to define. I do enjoy helping people, and I did want to get some service work in my life that has been almost completely devoid of it. The work though I think will be a shock to the system, but certainly not a bad one for me.
However, I think my best ways of helping come more in listening to people, as I love listening to what is in people’s hearts that troubles them in life. I like being able to be there for people, for being able to hopefully relieve them a little bit of what they are carrying around by just listening.
I guess perhaps it is not completely a surprise I have been seeking some kind of service work in my life. For one reason or another I have always been the type that has felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, sometimes in the form of worrying for others and sometimes in the form of just worrying about myself. Perhaps worry isn’t the correct word, but I know I’ve spent a lot of time in thought about a range of subjects that one can do very little about but think.
I have spent most of my life worrying plenty more than my fair share and I know that it is extremely useless. That is now something else I am trying to learn from on this trip: just how little control over life I have. Life is like wind, always carrying you along, but sometimes things knock you down a long the way. Some people bounce back and heal quickly. I don’t. I used to think I was “thin-skinned” but I sincerely doubt that now. I think a better adjective would be “slow-healing”. And I don’t know why, but at this point in my life I am tired of insisting there always be an answer. That’s just the way I am, the way some people are. It is not good to hold on to stuff, but for those of us who have a hard time letting go, we aren't alone at all. Attributes about people can change as is necessary over time, but ultimately, you are who you are. I’m unique, but for the very reasons I’m unique I also have a lot in common with others: I’m misunderstood sometimes, or lots of times. I have secrets. I have doubts. Things scare me. I like some people a lot and have a hard time liking others. Some things make me madder than hell. Some things really make me laugh. A lot of things I just don’t get.
I have less than a month left before I officially start my job as a volunteer here. I just got back from Field Based Training (in Ica) where we got our first taste of what work will be like. I very much enjoyed something practical and hands-on, but I also considered how daunting this is, like a mountain in front of me, and wondered if the payoff is worth the sacrifices. There is no way to know, but there never is. Some things just aren’t meant to be known right away, and some answers can’t be just given or discovered because they must be grown. You look at the challenge and just keep grinning while you go on forward with your life.
As promised, I want to give a special thanks to my friend Patrick S. and his father, whom, Patrick informed me last week, is following this and many other blogs. I am very thankful you are reading! :-) As always, feel free to leave any feedback!
Hope all is well,
Tristan
I know that the Peace Corps is right for me. So it’s something of a paradox perhaps that I sometimes wonder why am I here. What were my motives for coming? What do I hope to get out of it? And so forth…Some of these questions I have begun to discover answers for, but many of them still restlessly swoop around in the canopy of my mind like birds looking for a roost.
I know that I am not the only person in my very group who has asked themselves these questions, let alone the first person in the entirety of Peace Corps history. I was following my instincts in joining up, and I know that I have wanted to see South America, so that answers some of my questions. When it comes to helping people, things are harder to define. I do enjoy helping people, and I did want to get some service work in my life that has been almost completely devoid of it. The work though I think will be a shock to the system, but certainly not a bad one for me.
However, I think my best ways of helping come more in listening to people, as I love listening to what is in people’s hearts that troubles them in life. I like being able to be there for people, for being able to hopefully relieve them a little bit of what they are carrying around by just listening.
I guess perhaps it is not completely a surprise I have been seeking some kind of service work in my life. For one reason or another I have always been the type that has felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, sometimes in the form of worrying for others and sometimes in the form of just worrying about myself. Perhaps worry isn’t the correct word, but I know I’ve spent a lot of time in thought about a range of subjects that one can do very little about but think.
I have spent most of my life worrying plenty more than my fair share and I know that it is extremely useless. That is now something else I am trying to learn from on this trip: just how little control over life I have. Life is like wind, always carrying you along, but sometimes things knock you down a long the way. Some people bounce back and heal quickly. I don’t. I used to think I was “thin-skinned” but I sincerely doubt that now. I think a better adjective would be “slow-healing”. And I don’t know why, but at this point in my life I am tired of insisting there always be an answer. That’s just the way I am, the way some people are. It is not good to hold on to stuff, but for those of us who have a hard time letting go, we aren't alone at all. Attributes about people can change as is necessary over time, but ultimately, you are who you are. I’m unique, but for the very reasons I’m unique I also have a lot in common with others: I’m misunderstood sometimes, or lots of times. I have secrets. I have doubts. Things scare me. I like some people a lot and have a hard time liking others. Some things make me madder than hell. Some things really make me laugh. A lot of things I just don’t get.
I have less than a month left before I officially start my job as a volunteer here. I just got back from Field Based Training (in Ica) where we got our first taste of what work will be like. I very much enjoyed something practical and hands-on, but I also considered how daunting this is, like a mountain in front of me, and wondered if the payoff is worth the sacrifices. There is no way to know, but there never is. Some things just aren’t meant to be known right away, and some answers can’t be just given or discovered because they must be grown. You look at the challenge and just keep grinning while you go on forward with your life.
As promised, I want to give a special thanks to my friend Patrick S. and his father, whom, Patrick informed me last week, is following this and many other blogs. I am very thankful you are reading! :-) As always, feel free to leave any feedback!
Hope all is well,
Tristan
posted by Tristan | 2:20 PM
2 Comments:
Hooray! A new post!
I first thought that I would offer my own thoughts to yours, but then I realized that you are figuring out things just fine. You don't need anyone else's point of view, I don't think; everything you need to know is right there in front of you.
I am glad that you are enjoying your time down in Peru. Yes, I would imagine that some things seem daunting: that's how it is all the time, in every situation. I mean, if you went to grad school, perhaps now would be the time in the semester when the high load of work would seem overwhelming, and you would consider if grad school was the right thing. So all you can do is follow you instincts...
...which is exactly what you are doing. Yes, we all worry, but in the end, worrying isn't going to change a thing. Either we take action, or we don't. And while usually taking action seems like the better thing to do, sometimes not taking action is actually the best choice (I just read something like this is a book yesterday, and it really makes me think a lot and ask a lot of questions).
So maybe you should not worry, because think of all the things you are seeing and doing and learning and enjoying and discovering right now.
When I get stressed out and start to worry, I try to remember that in the end, everything works out the way it should.
Hope to see another post soon!
Talk to you later!
Damn Tristas, just from reading your blogs I can tell how much you have developed. You are wise. Not, like an old man sitting in a chair that has trouble swallowing, but a young, energetic stallion.
As always, I greatly enjoy reading your blogs, not only for the smooth flow of you writing, but for the priceless perspective that you provide.
Excellent work. We only live one day at a time, so, we must, realize our accomplishments as we act on new ones. We all live in that moment. Right now.
I bet that last paragraph made as much sense as a monkey hooking up electrical circuits in a wedding dress.
For your fans, please post again.
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