Another Note in Germany (Originally written Oct. 17)
Dear Constant Readers,
It is I believe the third week gone by now. I'm starting to lose count, actually. But I figured now would be a good time to write again.
Things have gone better now. A word about traveling, to any of you who may be thinking about going somewhere long term. Supposedly, there's this "honeymoon" phase where you first arrive and everything is super-excellent before reality sets in. It could be that I have different expectaions about what should constitute as a "honeymoon phase", but they seem to skip me. I more tend to observe things, and consequently many times I feel removed. I wonder, though, if this is a common feeling among people in new situations. More than who would admit it. Being an exchange student is one of the most challenging things a young person can undertake, I think. I don't mean that to sound lofty, or brash, and considering all the things that can happen to a person in life, this might seem like small fries. But point is, people usually tell you about the glamour of living in another culture, and if you are like me, it enamours you. Now that is a good thing, methinks. But there is also much that is difficult, albeit very worth it, that you often don't hear about. I think that's what I'm trying to convey. Life here is good. So far I've been most fortunate to live in France (for a month visiting a friend, if you count that as "living"), Mexico for a year, and now Germany, not to mention the USA and a quick trip to central America last Christmas. And out of all the places I've visited, Germany has been the only one (aside from the USA) where I could perhaps see myself living someday on a more permanent basis. I need to be careful, of course, as it's not yet a month here for me, and naturally my opinion is quite subject to change. In any case, I don't have to worry about making such decisions now.
A small success with my language-learning. Earlier last week a student at my university asked for directions to a building. I said I didn't know, and that I was new, to which he answered he was as well. As we were speaking in German, and I couldn't tell if he was German or an exchange student, I asked him where was from. He told me someplace near Dusseldorf, I believe, and then asked me "What about you? Are you from around here?" Quite a compliment, I think. He was surprised when I told him that I was from Nebraska. As it was a very simple conversation, which standard direct answers, I didn't have a problem, really. In a longer narration I make mistakes and lack words and stumble left and right. But a small victory is still a victory.
I'm very frustrated about my Global Studies major, such to the point that I'm wondering how badly I want to persue it anymore. It doesn't feel right at all, and I'm interested in classes concerning linguistics and archaeology. It's the closest thing I'll ever get to traveling back in time, which I'd love to do. I've stressed about classes, although at least now I have them selected...too many in fact, more than half of them will certainly have to be dropped before the next few weeks are up. I want to take classes that I can't take at NWU, but I also need to take classes for my major, which frankly don't sound remarkably interesting to me, but it could be that I'm being quite unfair about them.
On Saturday half of the exchange students went to Bonn (last weekend, if you recall, our half went to Cochem and another place on the Mosel, where I took some pictures). I had heard Bonn was boring, and I was being optomistic. But it kind of was. The museum was OK, but I felt that if you see one German city, you've seen them all. Not necessarily true, of course, but one town center looks remarkably similiar to all the others. I have a dislike of tourism, because it feels so cheap and artificial, although when I'm walking around like that it's hard to say I'm not being a tourist myself. Still, I would like to go back and have another look myself for things that I didn't see the first time around. For example, Beethoven's house is in Bonn. I didn't know that until right as we were leaving.
On Sunday I finally had the chance to sleep in, although by 9 I couldn't sleep anymore. I went to the Dom (Cathedral) and sat in a quiet room reserved only for prayer for a while, and about broke down crying. I try to keep my views about religion fairly quiet, something I've started learning since coming to college, but I've always felt prayer to be an important aspect of life, whatever form prayer might be. I read once that the Lakota considered crying as one of the strongest forms of prayer, because it meant the person was genuinely speaking from the heart. I felt overwhelmed by culture, by classes, not so much by friends, but by confusion of drama and so on and so forth. I'm not as secure as I'd want to be, and I am easily affected by things. Still I try not to let that intimidate me. I don't have thick skin, although I've learned to wear something of a mask...and I've learned to accept that. People have told me that I need to develop thicker skin, but I don't know if I can. I think the more experiences I have, the more confident I will be in myself, but at the same time, it's hard not to stumble.
Anyway, I didn't cry. I wasn't all that sad, I was just needing to blow up steam that has been building up since I've arrived. It has surprised me that I haven't actually cried yet, normally I would have by now. Maybe everytime I go somewhere it hibernates a bit longer. The walk back calmed my nerves a bit, which was a bit upsettings since I really wanted that relief. But I didn't get it, and I cheered up a bit.
For a long time I've been single, to the point where I can easily live without a girlfriend, and sometimes have a hard time seeing myself in a relationship. Nevertheless, I would be telling falsehoods if I didn't say that I have hoped I would meet someone here to change that. I don't know if I will. There are of course people here I'm interested in, but I don't honestly know what to do about that. I think right now I should be more interested in making friendships. But it's still something that is important to me, at least to a little degree.
Oh, and I've learned to cook some. I've started small with pasta, and have cooked very little, but the point is I've gotten around to doing it. The pasta still tastes a little hard, even though when I test it as it's cooking it feels alright. Start up glitches. I'd like to be quite good at cooking by the time I come home. I suppose if anyone has any college student recipies, that'd be nice. I myself don't really know how to cook a damn thing, although I could try reading the instructions, if I worked up the nerve to buy the food. :-D
Hope all is well.
It is I believe the third week gone by now. I'm starting to lose count, actually. But I figured now would be a good time to write again.
Things have gone better now. A word about traveling, to any of you who may be thinking about going somewhere long term. Supposedly, there's this "honeymoon" phase where you first arrive and everything is super-excellent before reality sets in. It could be that I have different expectaions about what should constitute as a "honeymoon phase", but they seem to skip me. I more tend to observe things, and consequently many times I feel removed. I wonder, though, if this is a common feeling among people in new situations. More than who would admit it. Being an exchange student is one of the most challenging things a young person can undertake, I think. I don't mean that to sound lofty, or brash, and considering all the things that can happen to a person in life, this might seem like small fries. But point is, people usually tell you about the glamour of living in another culture, and if you are like me, it enamours you. Now that is a good thing, methinks. But there is also much that is difficult, albeit very worth it, that you often don't hear about. I think that's what I'm trying to convey. Life here is good. So far I've been most fortunate to live in France (for a month visiting a friend, if you count that as "living"), Mexico for a year, and now Germany, not to mention the USA and a quick trip to central America last Christmas. And out of all the places I've visited, Germany has been the only one (aside from the USA) where I could perhaps see myself living someday on a more permanent basis. I need to be careful, of course, as it's not yet a month here for me, and naturally my opinion is quite subject to change. In any case, I don't have to worry about making such decisions now.
A small success with my language-learning. Earlier last week a student at my university asked for directions to a building. I said I didn't know, and that I was new, to which he answered he was as well. As we were speaking in German, and I couldn't tell if he was German or an exchange student, I asked him where was from. He told me someplace near Dusseldorf, I believe, and then asked me "What about you? Are you from around here?" Quite a compliment, I think. He was surprised when I told him that I was from Nebraska. As it was a very simple conversation, which standard direct answers, I didn't have a problem, really. In a longer narration I make mistakes and lack words and stumble left and right. But a small victory is still a victory.
I'm very frustrated about my Global Studies major, such to the point that I'm wondering how badly I want to persue it anymore. It doesn't feel right at all, and I'm interested in classes concerning linguistics and archaeology. It's the closest thing I'll ever get to traveling back in time, which I'd love to do. I've stressed about classes, although at least now I have them selected...too many in fact, more than half of them will certainly have to be dropped before the next few weeks are up. I want to take classes that I can't take at NWU, but I also need to take classes for my major, which frankly don't sound remarkably interesting to me, but it could be that I'm being quite unfair about them.
On Saturday half of the exchange students went to Bonn (last weekend, if you recall, our half went to Cochem and another place on the Mosel, where I took some pictures). I had heard Bonn was boring, and I was being optomistic. But it kind of was. The museum was OK, but I felt that if you see one German city, you've seen them all. Not necessarily true, of course, but one town center looks remarkably similiar to all the others. I have a dislike of tourism, because it feels so cheap and artificial, although when I'm walking around like that it's hard to say I'm not being a tourist myself. Still, I would like to go back and have another look myself for things that I didn't see the first time around. For example, Beethoven's house is in Bonn. I didn't know that until right as we were leaving.
On Sunday I finally had the chance to sleep in, although by 9 I couldn't sleep anymore. I went to the Dom (Cathedral) and sat in a quiet room reserved only for prayer for a while, and about broke down crying. I try to keep my views about religion fairly quiet, something I've started learning since coming to college, but I've always felt prayer to be an important aspect of life, whatever form prayer might be. I read once that the Lakota considered crying as one of the strongest forms of prayer, because it meant the person was genuinely speaking from the heart. I felt overwhelmed by culture, by classes, not so much by friends, but by confusion of drama and so on and so forth. I'm not as secure as I'd want to be, and I am easily affected by things. Still I try not to let that intimidate me. I don't have thick skin, although I've learned to wear something of a mask...and I've learned to accept that. People have told me that I need to develop thicker skin, but I don't know if I can. I think the more experiences I have, the more confident I will be in myself, but at the same time, it's hard not to stumble.
Anyway, I didn't cry. I wasn't all that sad, I was just needing to blow up steam that has been building up since I've arrived. It has surprised me that I haven't actually cried yet, normally I would have by now. Maybe everytime I go somewhere it hibernates a bit longer. The walk back calmed my nerves a bit, which was a bit upsettings since I really wanted that relief. But I didn't get it, and I cheered up a bit.
For a long time I've been single, to the point where I can easily live without a girlfriend, and sometimes have a hard time seeing myself in a relationship. Nevertheless, I would be telling falsehoods if I didn't say that I have hoped I would meet someone here to change that. I don't know if I will. There are of course people here I'm interested in, but I don't honestly know what to do about that. I think right now I should be more interested in making friendships. But it's still something that is important to me, at least to a little degree.
Oh, and I've learned to cook some. I've started small with pasta, and have cooked very little, but the point is I've gotten around to doing it. The pasta still tastes a little hard, even though when I test it as it's cooking it feels alright. Start up glitches. I'd like to be quite good at cooking by the time I come home. I suppose if anyone has any college student recipies, that'd be nice. I myself don't really know how to cook a damn thing, although I could try reading the instructions, if I worked up the nerve to buy the food. :-D
Hope all is well.
posted by Tristan | 3:04 PM
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