Intense Conversations

Apparently I am incapable of having relatively light small talk.  When I've spoke with people, many of them say they enjoy talking about deeper things (whatever that may be in their case: religion, science, politics, or what-have-you) but say how at work they engage in small talk.

Which is fine, except for when I've engaged in small talk, I've been told it's intense.

I don't know how to mold this talking around.  When I meet someone new I often am extremely curious about them and have always seen this as flattery, although over the years I have come to see how it can make people uncomfortable.  So I try to hold off on such an approach till I know someone better.

But this intense curiosity still leaks through usually without my own being aware of it.

For those of you who don't know, I moved to Austin in very late July.  I tell people I moved here in August because that feels more honest.  But then I feel like I've lied to them so the next time someone asks me I say July.  I should just say "late summer" and let them puzzle over it.

So far I have found employment working as a valet driver at a hotel downtown.  In fact I have found I love working with people.  I discovered that while teaching English.  But while speaking with guests gets me plenty of small talk practice, the topics get old and plain and feels like it's going to flake away, like badly painted wood.  I walk away starved for conversation.  Such conversation I can find with some of my co-workers.

I should make clear that I no longer see this intensity as a bad thing, or a draw back.  It arises in what is Tristan, the same as my preference for red over orange arises.  It's not something I have control and is neither good nor bad.  I know that I don't use it to hurt people, and I think that's the main thing.

I have made a couple of friends in the city and spending time with them has helped me ease into this new location, for which I am thankful.

Really, though, even tougher than thinking of small talk conversations isn't the toughest thing for me at the hotel.  That would be seeing young couples together.

It's nice to be in a city around people my age.  It can be frustrating, too.